Planning tomorrow

I think one of my worse ‘overthinking’ habits is to have to plan what I’m gonna do ‘tomorrow’. But this doesn’t work as you’ll usually find people sitting on a desk planning their schedules. No, no, I’ll be cleaning the dishes and having this thought out of the blue “remember, tomorrow you have to do math’s homework”, and a few minutes later I’ll be sitting in the couch “remember, homework, tomorrow”, and suddenly I’ll feel angry at myself -I heard you the first time, leave me alone.- I don’t need to be remind every hour what I have to do, I know I have to do it. But that doesn’t stop in obligations and responsibilities, sometimes, like sundays, I’ll plan how and when I’ll text this x person because this y reason. I’ll plan at what time I’ll message them and what will I say in order to achieve my “social” goal. Sometimes it scares me how much I need my days to be in order, I secretly wish people would just follow my routine and stop planning things on the go. As you can tell I’m not much a spontaneous person. I’ll if I could force people to hang out with me in a schedule time holy moly we will make schedules for all with glitter and highlighters, so… here says that this day at this hour every week we will see each others faces do you understand? yes? Good, there will be not changes.

 

My life is kind of like that already, but of course, lifes happens, and that and anxiety will always find a way to make me feel like shit. That isn’t how Murphy law works? Anyways, this is why god doesn’t give me mind control powers.

Fucking assholes

Why in the fucking life people can’t shut the fuck up? TW: THIS IS A RANT

I can’t understand why people can’t just take their own lifes and live them without judging other people and acting like stupid assholes. Dude the way I live is out of your business, you don’t live in this body, you don’t think what I think, you don’t suffer what I do so let me take my own decisions fine? I know what’s best for me. Ok with that being said… this is the story. Today someone who don’t even know me tried to push me to smoke some shit I didn’t want to smoke, and me, a person who really have a hard time rejecting people couldn’t tell him to stop with enough determination for him to shut the fuck up and leave me a lone. You may think when psychology defines social anxiety as the fear to be rejected as a exaggeration. Is not. Believe me, we have a hard time telling people they are being assholes.

This happened with a persistence of 2 motherfucking hours. He was pushing and pushing, I was saying no and no, over and over. I don’t understand how someone find that funny. When I told my dad a few hours ago he said I should had say him to stop and even leave the place, but I wasn’t able to do that because I felt like that guy will feel like I was being rude, I was scared he will judge me… even tho it was obvious I was uncomfortable and I wanted to leave.

I’m 19 years old, and for some, this can sound like a short time in this earth, but you’ll suppose at this age I’ll be capable to walk away from a situation I don’t feel okay with.

The thing is I’m not even anxious about this I just can’t stop thinking about it.
I wish I had the power to glue people’s mouth so they shut the fuck up for once.

The only good thing is I never said yes. So he can go to suck Donald Trump’s wee wee.