42 Questions You’ve Probably Never Asked

I found those from this lovely blog. Feel free to answer them too!

 

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Emm my body… like with soup

 

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Black

3. Do you plan outfits? Always, can’t get out of the house without a proper outfit

4. How are you feeling right now? Tired, I’m avoiding bad thoughts

5. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? A blanket

6. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I was in the hare krishna temple at 1:00a.m asking for the computer to check my email account, don’t ask… I don’t understand it either.

7. Did you meet anybody new today? Weeeell, kind of… meeting like meeting nah, but I had a conversation about kpop with a stranger..

8. What are you craving right now? Cinnamon rolls.

9. What comes to mind when you think of cabbage? Cesar salad

10. Have you ever counted to 1,000 before? Like in elementary school…

11. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Lick it I guess

12. Do you like your hair? I need to cut my bangs again but yes I love it, I’m a proud readhead.

13. Do you like yourself? I like my personality and how I look… but damn how I hate my avoiding tendencies.

14. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Not really.

15. What are you listening to right now? Transformers <- my parents are watching tv, someone help me

16. Are your parents strict? They are… well my mom she either expects a lot or she doesn’t care, bipolar issues you may say.

17. Would you go sky diving? No… you want me to die?

18. Do you like cottage cheese? Yep.

19. Have you ever met a celebrity? Well… kind of. I feel lazy to type what does that mean.

20. Do you rent movies often? Hahahaha.

21. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? I lighted a candle 30 minutes ago. It smells like lavender.

22. Have you made a prank phone call? With my cousin we used to call when we were little to the pharmacies to ask the most naughty products lmao we were so silly.

23. Ever been on a train? Yes, it was meh.

24. Brown or white eggs? I don’t know if I took white eggs before… neither if this is the proper way to write it.

25. Do you use chap stick? If I’m wearing liquid lipstick I put chapstick first.

26. Can you use chop sticks? No really.

27. Are you too forgiving? I guess I am, but it takes time…

28. Ever been in love? I don’t think so. Even tho I have a QPR right now, but is a very platonic love… it’s big and deep… but platonic.

29. Last time you cried?  Last week, I was watching a very sad game on youtube.

30. What was the last question you asked? Did the guy repair the kitchen?

31. Favorite time of the year? Winter, merely because I hate hot weather.

32. Do you have any tattoos? I don’t, but I want one on my back.

33. Are you sarcastic? Hell yeah.

34. Ever walked into a wall? ……………

35. Favorite color? Green, but pastel colors are my thing.

36. Have you ever slapped someone? Just once.

37. Is your hair curly? Yes it is.

38. Do looks matter? For me? Nah.

39. Do you like your life right now? Ugh, it could be better. It will be better.

40. Do you sleep with the TV on? I can’t stand the light so no.

41. Can you handle the truth? Depends, I’m sensitive as fuck.

42. Do you have good vision? Hahahaha with my glasses yes, without them it’s like watching a video in 240.

Fucking assholes

Why in the fucking life people can’t shut the fuck up? TW: THIS IS A RANT

I can’t understand why people can’t just take their own lifes and live them without judging other people and acting like stupid assholes. Dude the way I live is out of your business, you don’t live in this body, you don’t think what I think, you don’t suffer what I do so let me take my own decisions fine? I know what’s best for me. Ok with that being said… this is the story. Today someone who don’t even know me tried to push me to smoke some shit I didn’t want to smoke, and me, a person who really have a hard time rejecting people couldn’t tell him to stop with enough determination for him to shut the fuck up and leave me a lone. You may think when psychology defines social anxiety as the fear to be rejected as a exaggeration. Is not. Believe me, we have a hard time telling people they are being assholes.

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This happened with a persistence of 2 motherfucking hours. He was pushing and pushing, I was saying no and no, over and over. I don’t understand how someone find that funny. When I told my dad a few hours ago he said I should had say him to stop and even leave the place, but I wasn’t able to do that because I felt like that guy will feel like I was being rude, I was scared he will judge me… even tho it was obvious I was uncomfortable and I wanted to leave.

I’m 19 years old, and for some, this can sound like a short time in this earth, but you’ll suppose at this age I’ll be capable to walk away from a situation I don’t feel okay with.

tumblr_inline_n9903cp2s81rr7q1yThe thing is I’m not even anxious about this I just can’t stop thinking about it.
I wish I had the power to glue people’s mouth so they shut the fuck up for once.

The only good thing is I never said yes. So he can go to suck Donald Trump’s wee wee.

 

Versatile Blogger Award… how?

versatile

Is been a while since a posted and I know this beautiful lady JustAnIndianGirl nominated me like years ago, but this past weeks have been like a roller coaster, up and down like you don’t imagine. But let’s not focus on that, because this is my first award I ever won on this blog and looks like I have other one somewhere waiting for me. I’ll post about it very soon.

I’m not sure if the title fits me well, do you guys think I’m versatile? That’s a major compliment and I can’t really express how awesome that is!

Here are the rules for this award:

  • Share the award in your blog!
  • Have fun.
  • Feel proud to be a versatile and awesome.
  • Share 7 or more ramrod facts about you

Here we go:

  1. I’m a Capricorn and I believe deeply in signs and spiritual things.
  2. I’ve a dog, his 11 years old and is a poodle, his name is Angel but Angel in spanish, is nothing like Eeeengel Aingel, ÀNgel that’s how it sounds.
  3. I’m latina but sure I look white as fuck.
  4. People call me for my second name, but I always struggle to explain this to teachers since they call you for the name that figures in the students list.
  5. I love to eat coffee and cookies and mix them together to make like a delicious kind of pudding, is heaven.
  6. I believe in aliens and even tho I love science and facts, I’m trash for Anciest Aliens History Channel Show.
  7. I’m asexual, which means I don’t experience sexual attraction towards other people.

And that’s  it, I hope you enjoy it.

Now I’ll nominate the blogs I read all the time, that made me laugh and have fun:

thewishingwell: Amazing blogger, positive, her writing inspires you to look inside yourself and feel like there’s some light. I recommend this blog 100%, you’ll find a good laugh and actually good advices about how deal with this life, that we should call fight, since we’re always fighting on this earth.

mentaltruths: I know this girl for quite a while now and to be honest I always get excited when I see she posted something new. You’ll crack yourself reading her work, she’s raw and interesting, but overall she’s real. I’m really glad we met and we have the chance to shares thoughts and experiences.

recoverytowellness: A warrior princess, a passionate activist and… she have ocd? And I say this as a compliment because she had make me realize so many times I’m not ready to give up, that there are things I still want to do. Thank you for that Raquel.

toopolar: This blog is a venting space for someone I know is struggling, besides that I don’t find this a reason to not put him in this lists. We, the people who have hard times to stand up again, deserves to express ourselves in any way possible and with that, make others feel less alone.

 

 

Someone who finally can fucking give an advice

I found this youtuber called bignoknow, and thank god I did, this is the dude I was looking for. He’s damn positive without sounding like a stupid magical fairy who have the key to cure OCD, make you look like Angelina Jolie and also plant money tree, without forgetting of course making you feel like you’re doing everything wrong. You know this youtubers that speak about their recovery like “awww guys you can do this too, just hear the happy theme song I picked for this video”, nah… let me say no, sir, I want to be realistic. And think whatever you want, I’m probably agree I’m maybe the one with the problem. But who cares? Back to the guy I was talking about, this dude is awesome, he speaks with such an honestly about his issues without sounding like a danish movie, depressing and grey, you don’t feel bad for him because he makes sure to let you know he’s working on it. For god’s sake, how excited I am for finally found a person who goes through the same as I do and actually don’t use the “How I Cope With Anxiety” as clickbait, he gave very good advices on how he copes with his anxiety. And yo… I found amazing people here on wordpress, don’t take me wrong, but I’m a visual person so this is wonderful.

 

Anxiety over social media and texting

This past two days have been quite a rollercoaster. To give you a little inside, one “friend” from University commented on my IG page and almost made me have a panic attack. I’m pretty sure I had a mild one but I can’t swear to it because as soon as it ended I was dissociating my ass off. Somehow, I managed to answer him without losing my sanity tho.

I realized what makes me anxious about messages and social media is the feeling of being available at any moment, like people can reach me whenever they want. I don’t like this. I need to feel in control of my well being and my state of mind, so… when I feel like I can’t control when someone is gonna just press send to talk to me, I feel unsafe and vulnerable. I don’t know how to cope with this, there’s no an actual guide about how to beat social anxiety, no matter how many stupid youtubers make you want to believe so, to be clear, they don’t even try, the spend 30 minutes of your time saying they have the answer without mention a single tip and ending the video with: “if you want to know more you can buy now my 30  days program”. Fuck you, greedy bitches.

There’s of course, exposure therapy but… let’s be real if you’re gonna have a panic attack everyday for an entire week how is that therapeutic? I believe in letting the body tell you when he’s ready to do stuff. The same as when you do yoga, if your body is making weird noises while you are doing that pose… try to do it slowly, go to your own rhythm. So… let’s apply the same to the mind.

I don’t know if this is gonna take me somewhere, but I’m sure you’ll be one of the first to know.

Today, I went with my best friend to the movies, we watched The Secret Life of Pets, I think that is how is called in english. Wahhh what a cute movie. I had a good time. Which means anxiety over good things… breathe deeply But I had a good time so… Let’s focus on that.

Brain. I love you. Brain. You’re a bitch.

-me

 

A little list of what I’m currently watching

I want to make this post to give some diversity to my blog, like… I want to talk about something that’s no me, here, saying “I feel bad, what do I do?”, so let’s go for it.

  • SHOWS:
  • Sotus The Series:  This is a Thai gay drama about two guys in college who are in different positions, one is a freshman and the other a senior, this is a very important thing in asian culture, there’s a relationship of respect and a separation line between ages so the younger must respect and obey his seniors. I won’t spoil much about it, because yo… I love to bring people to the dark side without knowing anything.
  • C: The money of the soul and probability: PSYCHOLOGICAL ANIME. I love, love, love, love this anime genre, and this anime specificly is the shit. No too much heavy, fairly weird and good animation. The story is based on the prize of greed and the desire for money and power.

 

  • MUSIC:
  • Kpop&Co: I’m really feeling bangtan boys lately, I have on replay Hold me tight. I love when I re-fall in love with songs or albums // Side to side by Ariana Grande is my jam, literally everytime I hear “I’ve been here all night…” I get up and sing my lungs out like the fangirl I proundly am. // Hyuna’s newest album is on my heart lately as well, she’s so pretty, brings out my rainbow feelings. // And finally, Fifth harmony’s album, dude… girl power is taking over music, everytime I hear big bad wolf and dope I just get too overexcited.

 

  • READING:
  • El desorden que dejas: Is a spanish book, kind of thriller… with a little bit of suspense, but with a comedy touch. It’s really good and it have a few psychology topics here and there that keeps you interested without making you roll your eyes. The plot goes around a teacher who takes the place of another teacher who kill herself, but the reasons why she did it were never discovered by the police. Without knowing the same things that happened to her predecessor start happening to her.

Less anxiety at night

I just come to realize this couple of days I have less anxiety in the night/early morning, I even feel super happy and chill. I’m trying to understand why this happens. As far as I know, the brain understand night-time as it’s natural time to sleep right? And when you sleep the brain is highly active, what does this mean? I’m not quite sure, since I don’t know enough about the brain to come up with an accurate explanation. I’m not even sure if brains do really understand night-time as their natural time to sleep… but if they do that could mean my brain is extra active at night, and maybe that’s one of the reason my anxiety is so intense, because when I’m in “awake” hours, it doesn’t have as much activity.

Am I making sense?

This is a weird situation because when I don’t have nothing to do and too much stress at night-time, I tend to overthink and have a lot of anxiety, usually because I’ll be trying to fall sleep. A big contradiction I have here.

Is always talk about being anxious at morning but, anyone of you guys have a time of the day when you feel less anxious?

I’m a needy bitch

I’m sick, my back it’s hurting, my ASS is hurting… I’m not kidding the higher part of my ass it’s hurting right now, in this very moment, n o w. I got the flu, a weird ASS one that’s been flowing around this days. I HATE BEING SICK, I TOTALLY, DEFINILY, FUCKING HATE BEING SICK.

Specially because I get all needy and anxious. Well I was already anxious, and the sky is blue ok? But my nostalgic, poetic, I’m-gonna-search-for-sad-movies, being comes out when I’m sick. I want attention, yes, I want to be hugged, and I want people to take care of me and bring me food to bed, and do stuff for me. I HATE IT. Besides that, I got to be in bed without feeling guilty for wasting time, that’s new btw, add it on my new obsessions list. I slept all day without getting bash for my own brain and that’s good! Positivity. Progress. I feel sarcastic, I’m sorry about that.

I’m gonna go watch a sad anime, I surrender /throws herself upon bed dramatically/ What do you think Holly would do?

A Daily Update: Friends who say inappropriate shit

I miss my yesterday’s udapte, sorry about that, I remembered just when I was lay in bed hugging my stuffed fox and my brain was like ‘I’ll write it later’, like I was gonna get up five minutes later, turn on my computer and write a post  after I found the perfect position HA!

Yesterday was good, I did my cooking course which was so yummy and worthy, even tho I had anxiety the whole time. First of all, for some reason I couldn’t sleep the night before and I was exhausted the whole four hours, my head was nodding and I was hella unfocused. The course was at 9am by the way, second sitting next to me was a lady, in her mid-50s, talking shit and bragging about how much she knows how to cook and how the instructor was doing things wrong, basically she was my mom in someone else body. Instant trigger.

CHZGUyEUMAEFJP2I wanted to punch her in the face screaming: ‘WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE SO???”. But I’m trying to be part of this coumminity, I’ve to learn to be tolerant and keep my calm. So I limited myself to just turn my back on her.

We had lunch there, basically we ate what we were learning to cook. Oh god, it was good.

I did my meditation in there later on. The guy who is in charge he talked about astrology and some interesting stuff. I was in a better mood at that point, luckily.

Today, I woke up with anxiety. Don’t you guys hate when you are sleeping and you are about to wake up but you don’t just yet, so you are half sleep half awake, and you can listen other people in your house making noise? My mom and dad were having a discussion about our country’s situation, I wasn’t as bother by it… but my heart started racing like crazy and I was like ARJIDKAD FUCKUCKFUCK. I got my ass out of bed and did my thing. I didn’t have another option.

I went to see a friend in the afternoon, I went there, talked to her for a while and then a friend of us came too.

This is what I want to talk. So, I like this person because he’s a good guy, very smart, “decently” open minded, he’s funny and all that, but he’s this kind of person who say inappropriate shit sometimes, for example, you can be talking about movies and he’ll say ramdonly in middle of the conversation ‘today you look fat’, and it’s like ‘??? dude we are talking about movies what the hell?’, that’s just normal shit. He knows I have OCD, he knows I have anxiety but he doesn’t stop to think about what could possible trigger me or others. He just goes and says whatever he wants, and that pissed me off. Also, he makes sexual inappropriate comments, before my mobile phobia got this bad I used to talk to him through texting and he used to do this sexual questions, no like ‘want a dick pic? smiley emoji’, nah… I would had kick him in the balls if that was the case, it was questions with the intention to know my “woman opinion” about sexual topics, or some shit, maybe he just wanted to be a cuntcake, but you see… I don’t give too many fucks about sexuality or anything related, and I’m very uncomfortable with questions towards me about sex, I’m okay if you talk about it because is have nothing to do with me, but he insisted on being this annoying person.

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I found myself sometimes annoyed by him now, and I feel bad because he’s my second friend out of the two friends I consider real friends out of internet and who I can talk about my interests, and of course, who I hang out with ocasionally. I feel like the more I learn about people, being respecful, knowing everybody deals with something, wanting to be more kind and less negative, I’m more annoyed by him. He can be so ignorant about so many shit. I don’t know what to do, well… maybe I won’t do anything and just let him be. But my vibes are strongly crashed when I think I’m going to have to deal with that.

Did you like my ironic main picture?

Any similar experiences?

Yo… A Daily Update 0309

I just remember I want to do this. I WANT TO DO THIS. I… WANT… yep.

Nothing too excited to put on paper happened today. You know, this reminds me about something my screenplay’s teacher said last friday, all stories have the same structure, first you’ll give some information about the place, about you, about the story, but it won’t take you long to jump right to the problem or situation that created the story in the first place. The juicy part yeah? Then you’ll try to talk about what you did, how you felt, etc, and maybe you’ll give a conclusion to the story or try to wrap it on. There no juice without a problema so… Let’s have more days like this!

Today, I went to the movie’s with a friend. Laugh like crazy because The Planet of Freedom is such a weird ass funny movie. It have a deep message tho… go watch it. And before that I was sit on my ass, watching youtube videos and reading some wordpress posts. To be honest that was nice, I read an A.’s post and laugh a lot with her angry writing, she’s the best. I just had anxiety this morning, HELLA APPLAUSE FOR ME PLEASE. And later on I watched a livestream and chat with the pleople I wrote about in my internet friends post. Happy Internet Best Friend Day! By the way.

Tomorrow I’m gonna do a cooking course, because I’m learning to cook and I love eating. Simple. Perfect. Wish me luck or wish me to not burn the whole place lol