This past two days have been quite a rollercoaster. To give you a little inside, one “friend” from University commented on my IG page and almost made me have a panic attack. I’m pretty sure I had a mild one but I can’t swear to it because as soon as it ended I was dissociating my ass off. Somehow, I managed to answer him without losing my sanity tho.
I realized what makes me anxious about messages and social media is the feeling of being available at any moment, like people can reach me whenever they want. I don’t like this. I need to feel in control of my well being and my state of mind, so… when I feel like I can’t control when someone is gonna just press send to talk to me, I feel unsafe and vulnerable. I don’t know how to cope with this, there’s no an actual guide about how to beat social anxiety, no matter how many stupid youtubers make you want to believe so, to be clear, they don’t even try, the spend 30 minutes of your time saying they have the answer without mention a single tip and ending the video with: “if you want to know more you can buy now my 30 days program”. Fuck you, greedy bitches.
There’s of course, exposure therapy but… let’s be real if you’re gonna have a panic attack everyday for an entire week how is that therapeutic? I believe in letting the body tell you when he’s ready to do stuff. The same as when you do yoga, if your body is making weird noises while you are doing that pose… try to do it slowly, go to your own rhythm. So… let’s apply the same to the mind.
I don’t know if this is gonna take me somewhere, but I’m sure you’ll be one of the first to know.
Today, I went with my best friend to the movies, we watched The Secret Life of Pets, I think that is how is called in english. Wahhh what a cute movie. I had a good time. Which means anxiety over good things… breathe deeply But I had a good time so… Let’s focus on that.
Brain. I love you. Brain. You’re a bitch.