When I go to therapy on saturdays every two weeks I’ve the same thinking process ‘I’m gonna be honest, I’m gonna talk about what happened’, so I do it. I talk about my fears, the shit that’s going on in my life, I open myself to my psychiatrist’s ears exactly like a stripper does for money. But you see… when she confirms what I just said and answer my questions, the ones I asked with the best intentions for my own well being ‘how i fix this? why is causing that?’ she throw the fear out of my comfy box by simply saying ‘well… I think this is the reason you’re having anxiety’. My fear looks me in the eye but now from the other side of the wall, brightly, clearly, there it is that thing I’m scared I think I going to pass out. I see it throught the narrow hole inside my box, is no anymore just a thought in my mind, cover with my box shadows, I say hello. It says hi back. Now it’s real, now I’m more scared.
Today my psychiatrist told me something probably a lot professional will disagree: ‘Some fears it’s better leave it alone, there’s are some we can work on, of course, but it’s not wise to say we can do it with all, and definitely no heathly’. I had never think someone from the mental health field will say me that. She also said ‘You have to pick the path in your life that cause you less anxiety’. I’m glad she told me that, because I’m always wondering if I’m a weak chicken who just don’t want to live enough.