You don’t know this… or at least, I don’t remember if I wrote it on my description before, maybe is there, but I’m feeling too lazy to go back and check. I’m a 19 years old girl from latinamerica who loves kpop, is 90% introverted INFP and gets way too excited over fictional characters. Yes, yes, yes. That’s why my english sucks at times, and it seems like I repeat the same phrases over and over, blame the fact this is my second language and I literally exposed myself to it reading spooky stories or watching Youtube videos, there’s where my vocabulary comes from. But I’m kinda proud I can write my feelings in two idiomas, I always find english better tho, it is full of melancholic words, words I don’t have in my mother tongue, even medical terms are better in english!
Words, my friend, are important to express how you’re feeling, how you see the world and how you roll with it.
Back to the title of this post, I live in a country where the quality life is the one from a country that is on a fucking war, people here have to do lines in order to get food, people get kill on the streets for no reason, this society is fuck-up in a laziness and conformism circle. I guess from that little information you can have an idea of what country I’m talking about. And hell no, is not Cuba, don’t you dare.
My anxiety levels here are motherfucking crazy higher in comparation when I visit my sister, she lives in Europe by the way (which I did visit her like 2 weeks and a couple of days ago). I find this distressing, stupid, it makes me angry and lonely. I isolated myself, I don’t want to go outside of my house, and besides I can be a little paranoic no matter where I am, here… just… I… fuck.
I see enemies everywhere. I feel like I can’t trust people. Like they are selfish, ignorant and dishonest.
My psychiatrist told me it was not only me who felt this way. But you know… this is funny, a lot people who come from a bad neighborhood might understand what I’m saying here… but if you live like my sister does, in the outsides of the city, beautiful apartment, three cats and a lot fun things to do whithout needing that much money, you probably don’t even care what I’m saying.
Here goes one of my favorite tips for people suffering from anxiety: Take a walk until you calm. Take a what?!? I can’t take a fucking walk here without feeling like someone looks suspicious, I’ll come back home more anxious than when I was before, are you insane? And yes it have to do in certain degree with my OCD, but believe me, when you are in Europe and you take a walk, for Picasso you’re gonna chill and feel happy just seeing the beautiful buildings and art and food a- *this is me screaming*. And the fact people are polite but they stay in their business, that nobody gives two fucks about how you look.
Are you dressing like Kyle Jenner, damn, good for you, wearing a t-shirt sport pants no makeup… who cares? At least you live in Paris or Prada nobody give a damn. Are you stressed out? Do you have 15 in cash… nah 8, I bet there’s a hipster art gallery out there waiting for you. For jesus el señor, people in Amsterdam are the cutest people, they give insurance to the sex workers! I’m not saying you or I can’t have anxiety in that kind of places, I had bad days there as well… but I took a walk and it actually worked.
Family. The people who you live with. That’s important too. I shouldn’t have to say this but if you live with toxic people your mental health can get worser and worser. Peace, normality, sense of reality, that’s key for recovery… You can’t have sense of reality when you are so full of a distressing environment. Your mind just goes away. It’s quite simple.
I won’t blame anybody for getting angry or dissociating as fuck for the situation they’re in, this experience made me see when we go through this type of things, we can’t blame ourselves to not wanting to be here.