That OCD feeling. I don’t get it.

I love films. I love movies. I’m especially into indie cinema, so I’ve seen a couple of weird movies with concepts worthy of being acid hallucinations, not gonna lie. I like movies with mental health thematics as well, this past months I’ve watched a lot of those, thanks to people’s recommendations and imdb lists because I’m basic and they have all the info that you need in order to pick the perfect movie depending on your mood. I’ve found good ones, tearful ones and others that are way far from reality.

tumblr_inline_mmgj9pIgWj1qz4rgpSo… I think before continuing with my aloud thinking I should give a little insight about why any of the above have something to do with OCD. Last saturday I received my medical report from my psychiatrist, there, of course, was my diagnosis and the medication I’m currently taking. I wasn’t shock, I knew this from long time ago (kinda), in certain way I believe almost every person with mental health issues or whatever you feel to call it they know we know. I’ve OCD, that was written in my medical report, oh well… other anxiety disorder to add to my shopping cart what’s new?. As I said, I wasn’t suprised but that doesn’t mean I’m capable of processing things fast enough.

I’m sitting here two days later asking myself why I’ve never had ‘that OCD feeling’, why I don’t cringe when things aren’t perfectly place? why I don’t give two furrs if my crappy room is clean or not? I don’t care for order, cleaning, getting everything neat. Believe me I-don’t-care , my house can be a mess and If I have food and my computer I’ll be as fine as if I was living in a crystal palace. So why? Am I even enough OCD for… having OCD?

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A little disclaimer: that’s just an stereotype.

Dude, media can be so cruel and misunderstanding with mental health, can they get something right for once? Jesus, María y José. They are people who have certain disorders in this world who don’t fit in the square room of a set studio. General public understand OCD as this perfection seeker individual who scream loudly if their clothes aren’t arrange by color and size. Not everyone is like that. BAM. There you have it. I said it. Actually no suprising at all isn’t it?

My OCD is a silent thief, she sneaks inside my house and create a huge mess, she even leave me sticky notes before leaving: *trigger warning* “fuck you, bitch, you aren’t worth of anything, just go to sleep and never wake up again” / “Do you see that thing over your arm? Are you sick? Are you dying? Oh no”. *end of trigger*. My OCD makes me do stupid stuff, like avoidind going through my college hallway because (social anxiety) I’m scared of people  and (+OCD) I obsess over it to the point I can’t handle it, so I take the elevator to the 3rd floor and spent 15 minutes extra finding my classroom just to avoid the intrussive thoughts. I pull my hair to the point it hurts. I make lists to get ready in the morning. I make lists to take my medication. I make lists to cook breatfast. Because I tend to forget everything and If I forget something I get anxious, and when I get anxious I could possibly have a panic attack and panic attacks are horrible, they feel like drowning, they feel like losing control. And I need to have control.

So next time you watch a movie, a tv show or read something on the internet and you see a mental ill person, don’t think for a single second that’s a representation for everybody with that illness.

We’re multicolor.

Why are you still in black and white?.

 

3 thoughts on “That OCD feeling. I don’t get it.

  1. Agreed: there’s this idea around mental health that you have to be a certain level of “disordered” to have a so-called “disorder” in the first place,you have to be at a certain level of “disturbed” to be accepted into a mental hospital even if you feel you need some kind of help. Even my fellow peers have looked down upon my anxiety and bipolar just because I’ve never been sent to the hospital. Its just frustrating to see that that kind of thought has also infiltrated the peer network. but I like what you said: “we’re multi color, why are you still in black or white?” 😀 Awesome.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m glad you like it, your comment make me feel shy haha. But yeah, you’re right, I don’t know what you have to do or say to proof what you’re living is real. You’re stuying psychology is there a scale to measure how crazy we are? omg

      Liked by 1 person

      • haha oh nooo I don’t mean to make you feel shy 😀 I just really enjoy your writing 😀

        lmao!
        There is kind of a scale. I would call it the criterion they list in the ICD-10 and DSM-V.
        But it was made up by people with degree’s who have never experienced what they preach about so what do they really know? They only know what they’ve seen. And that’s not enough in my opinion.
        What’s real is what’s real to you. And I don’t feel it’s right of the psychiatric world to make you prove that. We don’t make them prove that they took a shit in the morning: if they tell us, we believe them and move on. We don’t go “oh sorry, you’re crazy, you didn’t take a shit, go try again and do it right this time, be a normal human to our standard”. But no, if you go and tell them an idea that they think is “deluded” than all of a sudden you’re “crazy”. If you see a hallucination of a zombie running at you, I’m not going to say “shut up, it doesn’t exist” I’m going to say “shit, that sounds really scary!”
        Because I know what it’s like to have random shit pop up in your face like that.
        Warning: I’m going on rants tonight, sorry for the long replies LOL. Mind is moving rather quickly 😀 I wish I could type faster.

        Liked by 1 person

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